Aloneness

I have been in this great transition for some time now, where all I ever believed about any and everything has came into question. 

It hasn't been easy or fun. 

At this point in my journey, I'm very sure if who I am, and who I am not. I don't know who I want to be. 

I really just want to be me. 

But literally very few understand me and can relate to me. While I can relate to everyone, hardly no one can relate to me. While I know this world is huge. And I know that I am most likely duplicated somewhere, I'm sure of it. 

I haven't found them. 

But I am looking. For that one person that gets me. One single soul that sees me. Not just what I am protraying in the moment. But me. 

If that does exist. I seem to make it exist for so many but not a one, can do that for me. 

Mostly they are just confused to what I maybe saying. 

Maybe I lost my chance on the ones I gave up. 

Maybe I'm a total idiot and I'm insane and I don't understand the point of living. All I know is the monotony of work, do this, do that, all to keep up with everyone else and do what ever one else does, feels like a slow death to me.

I'm glad that I am not like the other humans. I'm glad I'm uniquely me. I'm glad I don't feel the need to be just like the others. I'm glad I am who I am. 

I'm just sad that there isn't anyone who is also like me, it makes for a lonely alone journey. 

Too bad. 

Social experiments

I tend to look at life in a scientific way sometimes. 

I like to know what makes us tick.

I like to know why I do certain things. 

I like to understand people's traits, including my own. 

I have noticed that when you bring up death to people that have not lost someone significant, they will run from you. I tend to believe that we all should understand death a lil more. I feel like if you understand death, your going to understand life, in turn, understand uour mission in this life. 

There is a rhyme and reason to ever thing, in my opinion, others do not believe the same, or they just don't think about it. 

So here I am, talking to someone "do you think that after you die, if I'm alive, could you try to communicate with me?"

And do you know what happened, he quit talking to me altogether. 

So I wonder what is so weird about someone curious about death. I have been free of fear my entire life. I almost think I was just naturally born fearless but the fact I was raised in a great family home, that taught me to be genuine, that's part of it. 

So I do not fear death. I'm prepared to go there. As every one does. It is apart of living. I think it's cold and hard here on this planet, I think that being here has a purpose, weather to bring the planet out of that cold harshness of blackness, and bring happiness here, or to ride out a journey on earth to say you did it. Or who knows. Only you can figure out why you came here. 

So you live and you die. And death is just a rebirth of sorts and everyone fears it.