Aloneness

I have been in this great transition for some time now, where all I ever believed about any and everything has came into question. 

It hasn't been easy or fun. 

At this point in my journey, I'm very sure if who I am, and who I am not. I don't know who I want to be. 

I really just want to be me. 

But literally very few understand me and can relate to me. While I can relate to everyone, hardly no one can relate to me. While I know this world is huge. And I know that I am most likely duplicated somewhere, I'm sure of it. 

I haven't found them. 

But I am looking. For that one person that gets me. One single soul that sees me. Not just what I am protraying in the moment. But me. 

If that does exist. I seem to make it exist for so many but not a one, can do that for me. 

Mostly they are just confused to what I maybe saying. 

Maybe I lost my chance on the ones I gave up. 

Maybe I'm a total idiot and I'm insane and I don't understand the point of living. All I know is the monotony of work, do this, do that, all to keep up with everyone else and do what ever one else does, feels like a slow death to me.

I'm glad that I am not like the other humans. I'm glad I'm uniquely me. I'm glad I don't feel the need to be just like the others. I'm glad I am who I am. 

I'm just sad that there isn't anyone who is also like me, it makes for a lonely alone journey. 

Too bad. 

Social experiments

I tend to look at life in a scientific way sometimes. 

I like to know what makes us tick.

I like to know why I do certain things. 

I like to understand people's traits, including my own. 

I have noticed that when you bring up death to people that have not lost someone significant, they will run from you. I tend to believe that we all should understand death a lil more. I feel like if you understand death, your going to understand life, in turn, understand uour mission in this life. 

There is a rhyme and reason to ever thing, in my opinion, others do not believe the same, or they just don't think about it. 

So here I am, talking to someone "do you think that after you die, if I'm alive, could you try to communicate with me?"

And do you know what happened, he quit talking to me altogether. 

So I wonder what is so weird about someone curious about death. I have been free of fear my entire life. I almost think I was just naturally born fearless but the fact I was raised in a great family home, that taught me to be genuine, that's part of it. 

So I do not fear death. I'm prepared to go there. As every one does. It is apart of living. I think it's cold and hard here on this planet, I think that being here has a purpose, weather to bring the planet out of that cold harshness of blackness, and bring happiness here, or to ride out a journey on earth to say you did it. Or who knows. Only you can figure out why you came here. 

So you live and you die. And death is just a rebirth of sorts and everyone fears it. 

What is the point

As far as I can see there is no point. No point in caring, no one is going to care about you. No point in dreaming. Cause those dreams never come true. No reason to love anyone, no one is going to love you. You can pour your heart and soul into something and it's just going to get taken. There is no point. People are only here to take what they want. The lucky ones get to take and take and have a happy life and the unlucky ones just get nothing. I've been patiently waiting for gods grace and I have not gotten it. God doesn't care about people like me. God only cares about fake dick heads that shit on all things to get ahead. Users and abusers get ahead. I can't figure it out. I've tried for months. And I have a lot  of good things in my life. But that doesn't take away this pain or heart ache that continues to grow. God has removed every single thing I love. Because God doesn't care about people like me. 

Human

Every human is different. 

Every human believes different.

Every human sees different. 

Every human is normal. 

Every human is abnormal. 

The only thing that actually separates us is the threat that someone else's beliefs, ideas, values, may be different than yours and may affect you. But it literally only affects you if you let it. But if you are so devout in your own beliefs, ideas and agendas, why do the same things of another human even affect you? 

  

Is it the idea that if you can sway them to your way, make you more secure in your own beliefs?  If so, then your being sketchy. 

Or is it that you want to save them? Save them from what? 

Being happy in their ideas, beliefs and life? That's actual crazy. 

Is it that if you can prove yours right then you are the superior human?? 

Being secure with in your own ideas, beliefs and theory's and way of living, then there should really be no problem. 

SO why does it even matter, why do you even have the need to care what they think, believe and do, if it doesn't negatively affect you  and or anyone at all. 

Let people do their thing. And you do yours. 

If you meet someone that's willing to listen to your shit with a open mind, choose to do the same with them. If  you get the chance to stand in someone else's shoes for  two seconds, your learning things.